The discovery of what is known as “icy toads” in Texas has caused a flurry of scientific activity.
Actually, but apparently unknown to the editors of the Waco Tribune Herald, which first reported the name, “icy toads” is the vernacular and rather unscientific name for members of the catesbianus species of the Ranidae family.
According to Professor Alex Sanderrson of the Paleontology Department of Baylor University, “icy toad” is a rather unfortunate name for the creatures. “Long ago,” Professor Sanderrson explained, “scientists in Siberia thought they had found exoskeletons of members of the Lithobates catesbainus, but they were clearly wrong.”
This was confirmed by Professor Eduard Mychko of the State Darwin Museum of Moscow, who forwarded copies of pictures taken 100 years earlier and located at the Siberian Federal University, in the eastern part of Krasnoyarsk, Russia. The images are not clear, but the ones most often replicated picture a gigantic creature measuring some three meters by five meters, with flawed edges and internal rough markings.
Professor Sanderrson explained that “initially Russian scientists thought that it was the prehistoric footprint of a dinosaur, perhaps the Ankylosauria, but this turned out to be false. The “icy toad” certainly did not have a bony armour, which the image clearly shows.”
What then was all the fuss about in Texas? It turns out that early one Tuesday morning the driver of a F 150 pickup—a man known only as Bubba—ran over something on the Long Shore Drive in Waco. It was shiny and looked like a piece of silver or glass. Worried that he had damaged one of his tires, Bubba stopped to examine what had happened. He had run over something that was now flat and resembled a small armadillo. Piqued with curiosity, Bubba scraped the remains of the “thing” off the road and made his way to the Paleontology Department of Baylor University where, coincidentally, his wife worked as a curator. She quickly contacted Professor Sanderrson, who is our main source of information on this creature.
Bubba’s wife, unfortunately, also contacted the Waco Tribune Herald, which dispatched an investigative team for a series of articles that have now appeared in that paper.
The publicity, however, has been unfortunate. The Tribune has been contacted by the White House and a rock band in California, known as the Icy Frog Eaters, as well as by a leading paleontologist from the Darwin University in Russia.
The White House believes that the discovery is significant and should be attributed to America. Indeed, President Trump is reported to have tweeted “I can tell you—and I am telling you—I know all about icy toads—more than anyone and I have myself—and I repeat it is me—been to Texas and will make America great, I mean really great, again by this—our, my—discovery.”
The Icy Frog Eaters lead drummer, Bang Sticker, was more adamant: “Who does Texas think she is? We been knowin’ bout frogs and toads before those smart guys at any university.”
The Darwin University in Russia was more constrained and sympathetic: “We understand the need for Texas and America to make this fallacious claim and we wish them luck as they try to decipher what we have known for at least 100 years.”
We tried to get back to Professor Sanderrson for additional comments, but were unable to reach him. Rumors are that he is on an expedition to Krasnoyarsk, but this is uncertain.
Dr Rocky Archimetes
The Creation Institute
P.S. Inspired by my typo of “icy toads” for “icy roads”