Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty Dumpty together again.


What really happened:

Legend has it that Humpty Dumpty was an egg, but he was not. Eggs are spherical and smooth; Humpty Dumpty was short, fat and had a hump on his back–he was bodily challenged.

It didn’t matter because Humpty Dumpty was a very gracious little nerd. He wore glasses, played computer games by voice control and helped old ladies cross the street.

But his handicap was noticeable and obvious in the way he waddled when he crossed the street, holding on the the old lady as best he could with one hand and carrying the groceries in the other.

It wasn’t long before everyone knew about HD, as he was affectionately called, and his services of kindness were reported to the town mayor, Mr. King. Mr. King sometimes sat at the corner of Main and 5th street and watched people cross, making sure they did so when the pedestrian signal was flashing.

As HD aged it took him longer to escort old women across the street. One dark and dreary day an 18 wheeler didn’t see him (or the old lady he was helping) and hit them both. You can imagine the scene. The old woman was hit hard but her grocery bag–a green environmental one–took the brunt of the force and she was bruised but slightly.

HD, on the other hand, was broken. His arms were where his feet had been and his feet were in grandma’s basket. Mr. King, who happened to watching that day, quickly summoned two ambulances, a fire truck, three horses and a helicopter, all driven or personed (some still say manned) by extreme care specialists.

The men and their horses, who had been trained in animal care, worked valiantly. When they found parts of HD they wired and glued them together as best they could, but it was of no use. They couldn’t put HD together again. After scraping him up he was airlifted in a large bucket to Methodist Central. He died without a shell.

But it was not all in vain. Mr. King started an HD Children’s Wish Foundation and within two years enough money had come in to pay the Methodist Central for HD’s medical bills. Future funds will go towards a four-way stop sign at Main and 5th Street.