Category: Humor (page 1 of 18)

Short essays that I have written

What Happened on April 11, 1959?


It was on a Saturday, the 100th day of the year, that some church authorities believe that John the Apostle was ordained as Anitpas, the bishop of Pergamon. It was on April 11, during the reign of Nero. There is even a tradition of oil being secreted from his relics and Saint Antipas can be invoked for relief from a toothache or diseases of the teeth.

While that may be of some historical significance, what I am about to relate is of personal and on-going consequence because, on April 11, 1959, Joice Franklin gave birth to a son, Kirk James Franklin. He came, but the placenta didn’t and the doctor was worried about infection so he gave Joice massive shots of penicillin. The placenta eventually came but so did a serious reaction to the penicillin. Both her arms suddenly gave birth to large, hard, red, bumps and clumps, hot and annoying. The doctor told her she was allergic to penicillin and should never have it again—nor drugs that contained the same substance.

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Save Me a Seat

Have you ever said “save me a seat” to anyone or, perhaps, told someone that you would “save” a seat for them? It is a polite thing to do, even if others are looking for a seat and find you “saving” one. “Is that saved,” they will say? as they point to the empty seat. You will quickly throw a coat or program over the chair to show that it is really “saved.”

Now, first of all, forget the semantics. Even though you are at a Baptist church (pronounced Babdist in Texas), the chair is not “saved” in the same way that a sinner is. It is simply reserved or promised as a standby for somebody else.

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Language Learning for Idiots



In the Kewa language they say paa is ‘light’
and yanda means ‘to fight’;
Manda means ‘that’s enough,’
Or sometimes other stuff.

Learning to talk a bit in the Kewa language
is a lot like eating a cheese sandwich;
It is squishy and messy and gets on your clothes
wraps around your tongue ends up your nose.

It involves using the lips and the jaw
supposedly to remind you of what you saw
So you put it in the dictionary and give it a name
sort of like playing a Scrabble game.

You speak and you stutter
and when you utter
Sounds or sentences appear
often hard on the Kewa ear.

But you go on
and before long
You are not considered crazy
or not even lazy.


September 2017

Garage and Estate Sales

There are “garage sales” and there are “estate sales,” depending on the location and quantity of the goods being sold. The former is a sale of household goods, most of them put out in the front yard because they won’t all fit in the garage. So they are also called a “yard sale, a tag sale, rummage sale, lawn sale, moving sale, tag sale,” or “white elephant sale.” The main idea is to get rid of all the junk you don’t want and let someone else pay for it so it to becomes their junk.

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Between the Cup and the Lip

There is an old proverb that says there is “many a slip between the cup and the lip.” Before I tell you why that is relevant to this little story, let me give a bit of background.

This is an ancient proverb that means that when there is a sufficient time gap between two events, almost anything can happen so that things may change suddenly. It follows that we can’t be sure of success until the event is really over.

Last Sunday I was asked by our pastor to participate in the Sunday morning service. It is a church where various members participate—young and old—so I was not surprised that I was called upon to help. I have done so before on a few occasions. So I had the cup, so to speak, and I needed to get it to the lip.

My job was twofold: first, I was to give the Scripture reading from 1 Corinthians 8 and secondly and later I was to assist in serving communion.

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