Category: Humor (page 1 of 21)

Short essays that I have written

Tax Information for Seniors

This is the time of year when you are probably receiving information about your taxes. I have been researching the matter and it would be impudent of me not to pass on some of the things that I have “learned.” I should warn you, however, that I have had to condense approximately 387 pages and 1,202 emails from various sources in the process. This includes materials from AARP, Micro and Macro Finance Ptd., Ltd., Help Age International, Senior Care for You, Oldies in Need, and others that I will not take time to mention. All of them have similar resources—lots, in fact bales, of facts, figures and data.

First of all you should “Rollover” anything that will roll, but especially big and fat IRAs. You will need lots of help for the bigger ones. Remember, an IRA is an “Individual Retirement Account” and contrasts with “Group Non-retirement or Working Accounts,” ones that our government will not allow to be rolled over. Over time they will accumulate bed sores and must be treated but, for the present, keep them well oiled.

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Making Breakfast

“My husband makes our breakfast,” has a nice ring to it, but it may be a “noisy cymbal” kind of noise. On the one hand it is a fine compliment and one that should encourage other husbands to take note and do the same. But, on the other hand, it may indicate that he has not always made our breakfast. I don’t mean that my wife would mean it that way—it is my clarification because it is true.

I have not always made our breakfast and, indeed, our breakfasts have not always needed much making. They have generally—at least for years—consisted of pouring out some dry cereal with some slicked banana and milk on top. “Making breakfast” was not a time-consuming job requiring nothing but a basic knowledge of where the utensils were.

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Genesis 101

It is the fall semester and our Bible Study Group—a cabal of 15 or so mostly old and retired men—have begun to study Genesis. It is led by our pastor, Eric, who is not old and comes with no notes, only his Bible. That is all he needs, for within his cerebral cortex are four roundish and flattish kinds of something, each with specific functions: Old Testament and Hebrew exegesis, New Testament and Greek exegesis, church history and the church fathers (and mothers), and a region consisting of what most people call the frontal, parietal, temporal, and occipital lobes. Well, probably not most people, but those like Dave who have a medical background.

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A Search for the Historical Franklins

Our son Kirk, who with his wife Christine, live in Melbourne, Australia, arrived last week. He was on a business trip with his mission (Wycliffe Global Alliance), which met in Arlington, Texas, so he was able to spend some time with us in Waco.

He had explained to us that while he was at some meetings in India he had been asked to tell his “life story.” That is pretty difficult, even if you only remember parts, but as he did so he realized that there were some major “gaps” in his story. One of his reasons to visit us was to try and fill in some of the holes.

I don’t think he fully realized what he was in for. We have newssheets, letters, diaries, computer files and photos that almost predate Adam and Eve, so the problems was not so much where to start (some purists would say “at the beginning”), but what to avoid or eliminate.

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Football in Texas

We live in Waco, Texas, home of the once mighty, but sometimes declawed Baylor (University) Bears. Do I need to tell you that the Bears is a football team? If so, don’t visit Waco without a visa and an open carry license.

There are 39 football-playing colleges and universities in Texas and the primary college conference in Texas is the Big (of course) Twelve. However, there is a slight math problem because there are only 10 teams in the Big 12. Only three of these teams are in Texas: besides Baylor, TCU in Fort Worth and Texas Tech is far to the west in Lubbock. One Texas team—the Texas A&M Aggies abandoned the Big 12 and went east to join teams like Georgia, Florida, South Carolina and Alabama. That was to get more publicity for their team, play in more lucrative settings and promote football education. West Virginia, on the other hand, has come west to join the Big 12. It is claimed that the switch in football teams lowered the team IQs in both states.

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